Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you win again, gameday.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize