I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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