I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
