Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize