90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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