She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
