After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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