this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
