I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize