she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
