dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
