I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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