Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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