I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
