why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
