My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
i believe in u and ur pee
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
