You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
