but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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