Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
