I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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