please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Randomize
