you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize