you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
