i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
