Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
