At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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