you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
