I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
