I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
