Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize