did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
