You made me cry and you don't even care
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize
