Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
My life is pants optional.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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