Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
