Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
