I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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