apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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