i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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