Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
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