i jhust puked up my retainher.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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