At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
