I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
he fucked my hip out of place.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
