I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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