i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
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