I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
