I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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