She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
