I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
