Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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