I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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