I wish I could punch you in the face.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
