If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
