I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
