textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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