why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize