Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
