Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
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