i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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