some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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