i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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