Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
