have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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